It takes a particular talent to write copy for the cosmetics industry, spending all day writing utter nonsense.
L’Oreal are especially good at this, being able to print “Beautyomics: The molecular proof of beauty” without blushing. Or putting out that famous ad with Jennifer Aniston saying, ‘Pay attention, here comes the science bit’ before unleashing a whole new stream of made-up words upon us. Which girls are programmed to ignore anyway because science is just something that boys do, yeah? I find the more expensive the smellies, the less likely I’ll be able to understand the wording on the box. Clarins, for example. What does this stuff actually do? I’m too scared of looking thick to ask the snooty madams behind the counter whether the little pot of gloop is actually cleanser or a moisturiser. They might come at me with their slap-trowels. I am however, a bit of a sucker for Clinique toiletries and have grown fond of their own particular style of batty prose. Like this, that came with a moisturiser I was given as a free sample yesterday:Inspired by Sirtuin technology (ingredient of the month), Clinique science (not actual science then) uses youth-extending (ouch!) agents to create a daily moisturizer quite like a fountain of youth (not a real fountain of youth, darn it). Lines and wrinkles appear (what!) to evaporate (what?), replaced by plump (fat), vibrant skin alive with natural collagen and elastin. Skin gains strength over environmental agers (elderly Greenpeace activists). Looks younger, longer (I’m thinking Sarah-Jessica Parker).
WARNING: Keep out of eyes. Stop use if irritation occurs. Keep out of reach of children. (Jesus, what’s in this stuff?)
