The post-election headlines I’d love to use

I write as the UK is in limbo after an election in which no party emerged the outright winner. Brown's hitching up his skirt and fluttering his eyelashes at Clegg, who's too busy enjoying the feel of Cameron's hand on his thigh to notice. Who knows what will happen? I've got a few headlines ready:

If Cameron does a cowardly U-turn over policy in an attempt to strike a deal
IT'S A CHICKEN AND CLEGG SITUATION

If Clegg rejects his offer
FRANKLY MY DEAR, I DON'T GIVE A CAM

If there's a Labour leadership challenge
BROWN STAMPS ON BALLS CALLS TO QUIT

Scrap over who gets to be Chancellor
OSBORNE BATTLES CAPTAIN IN-VINCE-CABLE

Pact based on electoral reform falls through
CLEGG FACES PR DISASTER AS DEAL COLLAPSES

Sex tape leaked of Cameron and a certain newspaper tycoon
DAVE'S KINKY BEDTIME WITH RUPERT THE BARE

Got any more? Add them below.