Writing the science bit

There is an art to writing copy to promote cosmetics and toiletries, and it often sees copywriters conjuring up whole new words to give the product more allure.

L'Oreal are especially good at this, being able to print "Beautyomics: The molecular proof of beauty" without blushing. Or putting out that famous ad with Jennifer Aniston saying, 'Pay attention, here comes the science bit' before unleashing a whole new stream of made-up words.

I find the more expensive the smellies, the less likely I'll be able to understand the wording on the box. And of course you don't want to ask the woman behind the counter as you'll feel stupid.

I am however, a bit of a sucker for Clinique toiletries and have grown fond of their own particular style of batty prose. Like this, that came with a moisturiser I was given as a free sample yesterday:

Inspired by Sirtuin technology (ingredient of the month), Clinique science (not actual science then) uses youth-extending (ouch!) agents to create a daily moisturizer quite like a fountain of youth (not a real fountain of youth, darn it).

Lines and wrinkles appear (what!) to evaporate (what?), replaced by plump (fat), vibrant skin alive with natural collagen and elastin. Skin gains strength over environmental agers (elderly Greenpeace activists). Looks younger, longer (I'm thinking Sarah-Jessica Parker).

WARNING: Keep out of eyes. Stop use if irritation occurs. Keep out of reach of children. (What's IN this stuff?)